Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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