He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
