So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
