My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
