He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
