There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
