What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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