I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
