I'm lost and stupid without you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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