in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
