Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
