the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
