Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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