You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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