i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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