Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
