it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
