I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
