He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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