Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
