I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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