I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
