At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
