I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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