I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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