non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
sex in a hospital.. check
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
