You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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