well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
zippers are such a cool invention
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
