also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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