i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
