I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
