I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize