I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
