I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
