So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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