I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
