He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
