Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
