my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
smell my finger.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
