My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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