Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
