The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Randomize
