So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
