So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
