I need to stop coming to work sober
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
