Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
