He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
