Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
