i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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