just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
