Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
