ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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