I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
