the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
These tits shall not be calmed
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
