Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
