After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
