I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
