he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
pray to the hookup gods
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
