I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Come share oat with me in your robe
this is an emotional support booty call
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
