I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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