so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
