if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
