If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
