Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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