things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
